Marina and Lee by Priscilla Johnson McMillan

Author:Priscilla Johnson McMillan [McMillan, Priscilla Johnson]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-58642-217-2
Publisher: Steerforth Press
Published: 2013-08-05T16:00:00+00:00

— 22 —

The Sanction

For Marina, the month of February 1963 was far and away the worst in all her married life. Lee had been hitting her ever since they arrived in America; in February there was a dramatic change in the style and ferocity with which he did it. No longer did he strike her once across the face with the flat of his hand. Now he hit her five or six times—and with his fists. The second he got angry, he turned pale and pressed his lips tightly together. His eyes were filled with hate. His voice dropped to a murmur, and she could not understand what he was saying. When he started to strike her, his face became red and his voice grew angry and loud. He wore a look of concentration, as if Marina were the author of every slight he had ever suffered and he was bent on wiping her out, obliterating her completely. To Marina it seemed that it was not even a human being he saw in front of him. Most horrifying of all was the gleam of pleasure in his eyes.

Their fights occurred over nothing, with Lee’s anger ballooning up quickly, out of all proportion to the occasion. He became even stingier than usual, and if by accident Marina left some item off the grocery list she gave him, or if she went to a store by herself and bought some item, no matter how cheap, that they did not absolutely require, it might be the cause of another beating.

Marina could defend herself only with words. “Your beating me shows your upbringing,” she said on one occasion.

“Leave my mother out of this!” Lee cried and struck her harder than before.

He stored up every grievance, and at the tiniest pinprick from her, they all came pouring out. “I’m not hitting you just for this,” he would say, naming the pretext of the fight, “but because I’ll never forgive you for running off to your Russians. Oh, what humiliation you made me suffer. Always you go against me! You never, ever do what I want!” Or if they were fighting over one thing, he would ask, “Do you think I’ve forgotten that?” and bring up something entirely different. “I’ll never, ever forget.”

Marina yearned for some sign of affection. But whenever she tried to wheedle it out of him, he would say, “I know what you want,” meaning sex, and Marina’s feelings were so hurt that she would run from the room. His sexual demands were violent. Late on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon he might bark at her. “Stop washing the dishes. Lee’s hot!” and try to force himself on her. He insisted on having sex any time he felt like it, whether Marina wanted it or not. He would pin her down by the arms and legs and take her by force while the tears came pouring down her cheeks.

Marina thought that it was only the violence, the struggle, that made him want her at all.

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